A Sirius Conversation
by tickledorange
Summary: Harry and Sirius have a talk late one night about Sirius' childhood. Warning:child abuse, AUish tnothing in this necessarily happened. I just think it did. For the most part.


**A/N: okay, okay, before you throw rotting food at me, let me explain myself. To begin, no this is not, I repeat NOT the sequel to A BAD Summer, it is simply a one-shot of a conversation between Harry and Sirius between the sequel and the other. If you want my actual explanation of why there's no sequel yet, then go to my pro. I don't feel like typing it all up now, and I don't think you really want to read it now, so I'll leave it at that. I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THE IDEA OF A SEQUEL! I just have no time right now to be writing (and no ideas either… send me a msg. if you have any (or leave it in a review, I suppose)) it won't be out for a long while. December at earliest. Yes, yes, _now_ you can throw the rotten food at me… enjoy the story.**

**WARNING: FLASHBACKS TO MY OTHER STORY AND THOUGHTS ABOUT ABUSE! OH, AND A BIT OF BAD LANGUAGE!**

**DISCLAIMER: alright, I'll just lay this one out for you. NOT MINE. N-O-T M-I-N-E-!-!-! okay… now on with the story.**

Dreams/ Flashbacks **Bold**

* * *

"**AHHHHHH!" Harry screamed as the whip came down on him again, burning his bare flesh and bringing more tears to his eyes. **

"**THAT'LL TEACH YOU SOME RESPECT YOU WORTHLESS PICE OF SHIT! NEXT TIME I ASK YOU TO BRING ME A SODA, YOU WILL DO IT, AND DO IT QUICKLY!" Vernon screamed at the poor child before him.**

"**B-but Dudley, he tripped me on the way in! It wasn't my fault!" Harry cried out.**

"**Don't you _dare_ bring my son into this. You are not even fit to speak his name, you filth!" Vernon spat, hitting the boy harder. **

"**I'm sorry! I will be quicker next time; it was my own fault, im sorry!" He sobbed.**

"**DAMN RIGHT IT WAS!"**

"**Please stop, please, I'll be good I swear… I swear."**

"Harry?"

"No stop, please, please!"

"Harry? Harry wake up. Harry."

"I won't do it again, I swear!"

"HARRY! WAKE UP!"

"Wha-what's g-going on? Where am I?"

"You're here, Harry. You're at Grimmauld Place. This is Sirius. You're alright. Calm down. You're safe here."

"S-S-Sirius?" Harry asked, tears pouring down his face.

"Yes Harry, It's me. I'm right here." Sirius said, placing a comforting hand on his godson's shoulder.

"Wh-what time is it?" He asked shakily.

"It's about 2:30 in the morning."

"O-oh. I'm s-sorry that I woke you up. You can go back to bed. I promise I'll be quieter and let you sleep. I won't wake you again." Harry said, the fear clearly evident in his green eyes.

"Don't worry, It's no trouble at all, Harry. I don't mind." Still seeing the boy's fear, Sirius added "I'm not gonna hurt you Harry, I know you weren't trying to wake me up. I wasn't even sleeping."

This calmed Harry down enough for him to wipe the tears off his face and sit up.

"What were y-you doing up s-so late?"

"Oh, you know, this and that."

"Seriously, why were you awake?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I couldn't fall asleep. I don't sleep a lot anymore. Those years in Azkaban took their toll. You're not the only one who gets nightmares." Sirius said.

"That's two things we have in common." Harry said, laughing. "I don't sleep all that often anymore. Not that I ever really have, but… you know… It's gotten worse."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Sirius said grimly.

"I'd bet. Azkaban must do the same thing."

"Well… yes… but that's not all…" Sirius answered.

"What d'you mean?"

"Are you gonna be going back to bed anytime soon, Harry?"

"Nope. I'm up for the day… or night, I guess…"

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" Sirius offered, leaving the room with Harry in tow.

"Yes please." The teen answered.

"Alright."

Once they were seated at the kitchen table, sipping their coco, Sirius started to tell Harry of his childhood.

"Harry, what do you know about me, or my relationship with my 'family', the Blacks?"

Harry was slightly thrown off by the question.

"Well, I know that your family was dark, and that you eventually ran away."

"Do you know why I ran away?" Harry shook his head. "Well, to begin, I was raised dark. My parents raised me and Regulas to be very dark wizards, so I spent most of the first about 8 years of my life learning dark spells and curses." He laughed grimly, "My first word was actually 'Crucio'. Anyways, when I was 8 or 9, Regulas and I were babysat for the first time by my Cousin Andromeda, who had just entered her 5th year at Hogwarts. Andromeda Black, however, was not like most of the Black family. She was in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, because she was very smart. She had also fallen in love with a Muggle named Ted Tonks. No one in the family knew this, not even my mother. She wouldn't have let her baby-sit us if she would have known.

"Anyways, so my Andromeda took me and Regulas to a muggle park to meet some of the muggle kids who played there and so that she could visit Ted who had taken his younger sister there to play. Regulas, being the stupid brat he was, wouldn't even sit on a bench where he thought a muggle had sat, but I went and met some of the kids there, and, oddly enough, even a little Lily Evans."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yup, and d'you know what the first thing she said to me was?"

"What?"

"'You need to wash your hair, there's mud in it.'"

Harry laughed.

"Anyways, so, like I said, I met some muggle kids and we talked and played and stuff, then, after like an hour, Andi took us back to her house to wait for mum. When we got home, Regulas, being the little bastard he was, told mum that I had been fraternizing with the muggle kids, but that _he_ had been a good boy and stayed away. My mother, believe it or not, was not too pleased with that. When my father came home that night, mum told him that I had been hanging around muggles and my father came up to my room to 'straighten me out'. That was when it all started." Sirius said, closing his eyes to fight off the impending headache.

"You mean your dad…" Harry asked quietly.

"Yes, Harry. My dad was abusive, just like your uncle. But he had more… _interesting_ forms of torture."

"What d'you mean?" Harry asked.

"Well, as I said, my parents were very dark people. My father used many dark spells, such as deatheaters do, to 'erase the evil thoughts from my brain' or some bullshit like that. His favorite though was Crucio. Luckily for me, however, my dad got sick of torture and just put me under the Imperious curse to keep me out of trouble.

"My parents were so mad at my cousin for 'corrupting their heir', as I was indeed the heir to the black family fortune and legacy, that they just completely disowned her. She was no longer a part of the black family. She got kicked out of her house when my aunt found out and ended up living with one of her Ravenclaw friends until she graduated. But my parents were still mad that I had changed. Dad put me under the imperious curse so that I would act more like a Black, otherwise he would risk losing his eldest son. Bastard.

"Anyways, I ended up throwing off the imperious curse when I was 11 right about when I got my Hogwarts letter. My father didn't know that I had broken the curse, and I did my best not to show it, knowing it would just be cast again if he found out. That was why it was such a shock to him when I was sorted into Gryffindor. Everyone else was shocked because I was a Black, with all these horrible dark thoughts and knowledge that I was sure to land in Slytherin, but my family knew I was more Gryffindor. The curse would have manipulated my thoughts and made sure I got into Slytherin.

"My first year was great. I met your dad and Remus on the first day of classes, and we met the bastard traitor, Peter around Halloween. I didn't go home Christmas break, and neither did Remus, so we just stayed at Hogwarts and played a lot of Wizards chess, and he read a bit, and when the other two got back, we just had a good rest of the year. That summer, however, was awful. My dad beat me and Crucio'd me until I just wanted to die. Right before I went back to school, however, he cast a spell on me to hide all of my bruises and cuts, and healed my broken bones, as not to arouse suspicion. Second year started out somewhat shaky, and my friends noticed that I was… well… different, I guess."

"In what way?"

"I ate and talked less. I was really quiet, didn't disrupt classes, and for the first two weeks, no teacher even yelled at me! It took me almost a month into the school year before I got a single detention!" Sirius said, with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"Wow… a month? You'd have to be crazy not to notice something then! You can't even last an hour here without lighting something on fire or blowing up a toilet!" Harry said dryly.

"I know! So… anyways, once I got my first detention of the year, though it was late, it made them think I was back to normal. Nobody really noticed that I had nightmares, because I put a silencing charm around my bed every night, so you'd have to be watching me to notice. It was all good, until Christmas. My parents forced me to come home for the holidays and it was even worse than the summer. Worst two weeks of my life. My dad did the same cover-up charm he usually did, but he didn't do it very well. He only got my face and arms, which I didn't know. My friends noticed the same changes in me again, but I did make sure to get at least a detention a day to throw them off.

"This, however, changed on the third day. As I said, I didn't know the charm didn't work correctly, and after I got back from my detention, which ended earlier than usual, the others were still awake. Not really thinking, I took off my shirt to change into a pajama shirt, and that was when they started putting the pieces together. They saw my back and chest and all the bruises and cuts and scars that my dad had given me for Christmas, and started to question me about it. I said it was nothing, just an accident. The ever famous 'I fell down the stairs', 'Fell off my broom', 'got in a fight', but they didn't believe a word of it. They watched me a lot closer after that. Especially James.

"I continued to put the silence charm on my bed every night, and they never noticed. Eventually they just let it go. Or so I thought.

"One night as I was going to bed, your dad noticed, for the first time, me putting up the charm around my bed. He asked what I was doing it for and I said to keep the bugs out. He didn't believe it, saying he had never even seen a bug in the dorm. 'Better safe than sorry' I told him, and he seemed to forget my odd behavior. I was, once again wrong. James stayed up after I went to bed to watch me. He was completely confused, and really worried. He just wanted to make sure I was alright. Around 2 in the morning, I had another nightmare. He couldn't hear me, because of the charm, but he saw me thrashing and crying in my sleep and got scared. He woke Remus and they tried to wake me up. They even took the silencing charm off, so they heard me screaming. James, not wanting me to be embarrassed by all the commotion that'd happen if anyone heard me screaming, put a silencer on the room. They finally woke me up, and that was when I knew it was over. My secret was out. And despite their assurances that they wouldn't tell anyone and that I shouldn't be embarrassed about it, I still felt ashamed. I felt weak, that I couldn't even save my self from my idiot of a father. They begged me to go to the hospital wing and get help for my injuries from madam Pomfrey, but I flat out refused, telling them I was fine, none of my injuries were serious (no pun intended) and that I could handle it.

"Then one day I met up with Bella and Narcissa in the hall after dinner. James, Remus, and Peter were still eating, but I wasn't very hungry so I left early. They followed me out of the Great Hall and they started cursing me. Taken off guard I didn't curse them back or put up a shield, but it wasn't bad. Then Bella called out her boyfriend and he started to beat me up. With my already battered body and his muscles, I didn't stand a chance. When he was done with me, they left me lying on the floor and told me that I was a disgrace to the Black name and what not. I had passed out just after they walked away, but Madam Pomfrey told me that a Hufflepuff girl found me and went and got Professor Dumbledore. It was lucky for me (or at least I thought it was at the time) that they had beaten me up so badly, because she couldn't tell that my dad abused me. She just thought that they had given me all the bruises and breaks. She wasn't any wiser to my life.

"I was in the hospital wing for two days and when I got out, I was good as new. I felt way better than I had when I came back from break, and I was pleased to find out that Bella's boyfriend was given 3 months straight of detention every night! Plus my friends stopped treating me like I was about to break at any moment, since my injuries were fixed up, and they didn't have to bug me about seeing the nurse anymore.

"The rest of that year went pretty well, though the boys started bugging me about telling Dumbledore as the summer holidays neared, but I wouldn't. They thought he could get me out, have me moved to a new home, but I knew he couldn't. The Black family was very influential back in those days and they could get whatever they wanted at the drop of a hat. If they wanted me in their house, they could get it. Much like the Malfoys are these days. The only family that held more power in society was the Potter family."

"Really? More power than the Blacks?"

"Oh yeah. James told me that his family could help me, that they could take me in. He said we could be brothers and live at Potter Manor. But I didn't believe him. Sure, we were friends, but why would the Potters help me, a Black, one of the darkest families to ever bless the wizarding world with its presence? The Blacks and Potters were sworn enemies, and I was the heir to the Black family, so I was sure to be evil. It was a mistake that I was in Gryffindor. I was just as bad as the rest of them. At least, that's what most people thought. Even most Gryffindors were still cold to me, and I had been with them for 2 freaking years! Two goddamn years and some of them still couldn't see past my last name. Not that I could blame them. Plenty of them had lost family members because of my family. My uncle was the best hit wizard in the business. Anyways, I didn't go to Dumbledore and I ended up going back home for the summer.

"The whole ride home James, Remus, and Peter gave me worried glances and told me that I could stay with them for the summer. I said no. I was going home. I could deal with it. For some reason they didn't seem to think I would make it back to school alive. I had the same fear.

"As soon as I got home my dad started again. He was as bad as on vacation, maybe worse. After less than a week of his torture, I wondered if maybe my friends were right. I truly thought that I would die that summer and prove them right. That royally pissed me off, as I _hate _proving anyone right but myself."

"That's brilliant. You think your about to die and all you can think about is that you weren't right? God. What an idiot!" Harry said.

"You know what… shut up…" Sirius said stubbornly. "Anyways, so after maybe three weeks, four at most, I got truly sick of it. One night, after everyone was asleep, I quietly packed up my stuff and shrunk my trunk and left."

"But how could you shrink your trunk, you were 12!"

"Because the ministry can't track who is doing magic, just where it's being done. So all they knew was someone in the black house was doing magic and that could've been my dad or mum, so I was fine. I snuck downstairs and quietly went through the front door without waking anyone up. When I got outside, I couldn't think of where to go. Lucky for me, I never had to choose. Apparently I wasn't as quiet as I thought. My dad came out and found me trying to escape. Needless to say, I almost died that night. I knew I needed to leave, no matter where it was I went, or I wouldn't make it back to school. So, I quietly (_really _quietly this time, I didn't just _think_ I was) went downstairs again, moving quite slowly, might I add, and finally made it to the living room and the fireplace. I grabbed some floo powder and went to the first place I could think of. Potter Manor.

"I didn't know if the Potters would take in a Black, but I hoped and prayed that they would. I showed up in their living room and, thankfully, James was still up. I don't know why. It was nearly 4:30 am, but whatever. If he hadn't been, chances are that I wouldn't have made it through the night. You see, the cruciatus curse, at least when it comes to children, can have more effects than just pain. If put under it enough times it can actually kill if the after effects aren't treated. So, anyways, James saw me come out of the fireplace and pulled his wand on me. He didn't know who I was at first, just saw somebody coming through his fireplace at 4:30 in the friggin morning and assumed it was a deatheater or something like that. When he realized it was me, he wasn't sure what to do. He was scared. Hell, I was scared.

"After a minute of comprehension he ran over and helped me out of the fireplace. I couldn't walk because I was shaking so much with the after effects of the curse. He basically carried me over to the couch and lay me down. Then he ran upstairs to his parents' room and got his mother. She was a healer. She gave me a sleeping draught and fixed me up and I was physically fine."

"Just physically?" Harry asked.

"As you well know, Harry, you can't just get over something like that overnight. It takes a lot of time. Anyway, so I woke up the next day to find James sitting in a chair beside my bed sleeping. I looked at the clock and found out it was 5:15 in the afternoon! I had been sleeping for almost 13 hours. Well, actually, when James woke up he told me that I had slept over a day. I went to sleep the morning before. As soon as he woke up, which he did when I tried to sit up in bed, he gave me a hug. Then, of course, he smacked me upside the head for not listening to him."

Harry laughed at his fathers antics. "That's exactly what Hermione did! But she hit me in the arm."

"Then that's not _exactly_ what she did, is it?" Sirius mocked. Harry stuck out his tongue. "Way to be mature, Harry. What are we in, 1st year?"

"Look who's talking, Padfoot." Harry said.

"I am waaaaaaay above your 1st year antics, Mr. Potter. By the way, _I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you_. So naaaanaaa." Sirius answered sticking out his tongue.

"Okay you mutt. Just get on with the story."

Sirius stuck out his tongue _once_ more and continued. "Okay, so, later, after James was in bed, his mother came in and asked me what had happened. I, of course, wouldn't tell her, seeing as I was a stubborn git back then-"

"Back then?"

"Okay… so really haven't changed, but I was back then too so it kinda applies. But I have gotten slightly better."

"Alright, I'll give you that one." Harry told him with a smile.

"So, I wouldn't tell her, which I realized was stupid, but I figured Jamie would do the honors when he awoke. I really didn't want to deal with all the pity I'd get when I said anything. Oh, aright, I was scared she wouldn't believe me and send me back or, oh I don't know, but I was afraid.

"The next morning, James told his mum what had happened, as I knew he would. I was, unfortunately, awake at the time. But, oddly enough, sleeping a day straight will just kill your sleeping habits. At least for a day or two. So I ended up having to deal with all of her pity and such, but the upside was that I got tons of food."

"Do you ever stop thinking about your stomach?" Harry asked bemused.

"No, not really, is that a problem?"

"Just wondering."

"Anyway, James's dad, your granddad, he wasn't as _keen_ about the idea of having a Black in the house as the others. It wasn't that he really thought that I was evil or anything, it's just that he could hardly believe me. A respected citizen and powerful man abusing his own heir? It just seemed so absurd. Mr. Potter didn't warm up to me very quickly. He insisted that I never be left all alone in the house, not even in my sleep, so James and I shared a room. Not that either of us minded." He added with an impish grin, "He just couldn't get past my last name. But James's mum helped a lot. She took care of me and talked to me and cared about me, all the things my own family didn't bother themselves with. Even before it all started, my mum never talked to me. We always had our nanny to do that. So after she found out about my abuse, Mrs. Potter went straight to James's dad. He, of course, didn't believe me. He thought I should be put under veritaserum or something, just to make sure I wasn't lying. I said I would, as I obviously had no secrets anymore, but James and his mum flat out refused. They said I had been through enough and I could be trusted. Eventually they swayed him and I was allowed to stay. I was so happy I could've jumped, If not for my sore body and overall downcast attitude.

"So, they ended up calling the ministry and I got a trial, much as you did. But mine took forever to happen. Unfortunately, I was not the great 'boy-who-lived', so it took me a bit longer." He winked at Harry, who gave him an embarrassed smile at the title. "After a while, I finally had my trial. It took a few days and a lot of veritaserum for the wizarding world to accept that I wasn't lying and my parents really did hurt me. Finally the others in Gryffindor would talk to me like I wasn't about to kill them. Finally Mr. Potter respected me and trusted me. It was the best day of my life."

"I know the feeling." Harry said, giving Sirius a tired smile. "Is that all? How about another?"

"Well, that's enough journeying into my past for one night. That was the important story, Harry. I just want to make sure that you know I know what you're going through. Feel free to talk to me Harry, about any of this. I know what it's like to be in that position, feeling like nobody can help, no one understands. Just remember that my door is always open and I'll be here for you whenever you need me. Literally. I can't leave, remember?" Sirius said jokingly.

"I'll remember that. I think I can go back to bed now."

"No nightmares?"

"If there are any, you'll hear about them. Thanks Sirius. I feel a lot better."

"Don't worry 'bout it, kid. Thanks for letting me in. I know this sucks but whatever doesn't kill you makes you… err… well, whatever that muggle saying is."

"Yeah, I suppose." Harry laughed, and then walked out of the room, only to return seconds later, rushing into his godfather's arms, giving him a rare hug.

After a few minutes of the two just sitting in each others arms, Sirius broke the moment by telling the boy he had to get to bed. To his surprise, however, he was already asleep. Sirius smiled silently to himself and lifted the boy gently into his arms. He still wasn't happy that the teen was so light, but it had gotten better. He figured a few more weeks of molly's cooking and he would be fine. He quietly climbed up the staircase and into Harry's room, laying him on the bed and covering him. He then turned out the lights and returned his room, getting the first good nights sleep since he had first heard the news.

**

* * *

**

**A/N: okay… I hope you liked this… it was gonna originally be the first chap of the new fic, but I figured I had kept y'all waiting long enough. Now if you'd be so kind as to click the lonely blue button in the corner, I'm sure it wouldn't mind.**

**tickledorange**


End file.
